woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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