I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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