He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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