our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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