Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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