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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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