This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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