I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize