yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We're too hungover to prance.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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