She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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