I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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