do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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