Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize