She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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