what day is it and did you see me today?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize