people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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