In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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