Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize