I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize