Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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