she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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