swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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