I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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