I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
id be glad to
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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