Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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