How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize