It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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