don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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