i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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