And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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