She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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