i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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