so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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