11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Someone shit on the floor
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He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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