A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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