fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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