You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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