I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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