There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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