I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize