Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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