just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize