I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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