Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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