Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize