One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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