guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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