My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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