i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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