I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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